listening to: In A Rush - BlackStreet

I'm sick *sniff*. My whole body is aching right now. Ugh!! I hate being sick!! And where the hell did I get it from? From my office-mates? Cuz three of them were sick last week. Or is it from the rain a few days ago? Well you can't really blame me for this, cuz Lou" made me walk in the rain T__T LOL but at least I had a friend with me. My best buddy, Veris a.k.a Pehong!! Love you lots baby, *scmooochiezz*.

My life has been alright until now. I thought 27 December is a very bad day, but then on 2004, I met somebody who changed me to who I am now. Well, a bit better in one side, I guess...

Aish I gotta go now... headache LOL... gonna lay down for a bit... then gonna eat!!

Chiao2 people!!

XOXO, Yudith at 10:42 PM


listening to: some song Louis gave me

Pusyink!! How come L and R can have the same feeling for me?!?!? Urgh one I can understand, but not four guys at a time. Make me feel like a biatch. Stupid rants like this does nothing to my situation, huh? I have no idea how to deal with this.

Untuk orang yang gue sayang... saat ini gue gak bisa apa-apa karena gue ngerasa gak enak T__T kesian kan dia... bukan salah kita berdua kalau akhirnya malah kita yang bersama...

This song, he dedicated it to me.

IN A RUSH - Blackstreet

It came over me in a rush
when I realized that i love you so much
that sometimes i cry
but I cant tell you why
why I feel what i feel inside

how I try to express
whats been troublin' my mind
but still I cant find the words
but I know that somethings got a hold of me

baby someday ill find a way to say
just what you mean to me
but if that day never comes along
and you dont hear this song
i guess you'll never know

and when i say inside
I mean deep you fill my soul
and thats something I cant explain
its over me

Well I don't know... I guess he did confess to me how he feels about me... hard to accept...

XOXO, Yudith at 9:22 AM


listening to: Pemuja Rahasia - Sheila On 7

This song is kinda freaky... He used to be a stalker probably?? Well It's kind of nice to know there's somebody who loves you so much LOL but not so crazy like him. But that kind of reminds me of somebody from my past =__=;;

Anyways... I bought a few CDs today... kinda happy because at last I can get them... but I still need to borrow a few more from my friend. Argh... I'm so lonely now... my bro is in Taiwan, and most of my friends still have school. I can't complain enough about my life right now. So many problems.

I hope that my telephone bill won't be so expensive this month, otherwise my parents surely won't let me use the internet ever again. Then I'd surely die of boredom. I mean, what would I do at home besides chatting and playing games?

I don't think StoneGod knows my blog so let me just talk about him a bit here LOL. He told me to start dating again and I was like... okay...? But actually I don't understand why Indonesian people think that 'dating' is the same as 'pacaran'?? I mean, like StoneGod said, it's different because when you go out dating, it doesn't mean you're going out with that person. I don't know it's a bit confusing. Say, I ask Andree to go to a movie with me, doesn't mean I want to be his girlfriend or something, right?

I lost 2 kg!! Umm, 3-4 more kgs to go? I can't believe I gained 12 kgs this year. Oh I saw my photo from August this year and how chubby were my cheeks!! I took a photo for my ID card already. I look so old there LOL. And my hair looks really long. I'll probably cut it again soon.

ADA BAND - Manusia Bodoh

Dahulu terasa indah
Tak ingin lupakan
Bermesraan selalu jadi satu kenangan manis

Tiada yang salah
Hanya aku manusia bodoh
Yang biarkan semua ini permainkanku
Berulang ulang kali

Tapi sampai kapankah kuharus
Menanggungnya kutukan cinta ini
Bersemayam dalam kalbu

Tak ayal tingkah lakumu
Buatku putus asa
Kadang akal sehat ini
Belum cukup membendungnya

Hanya kepedihan
Yang selalu datang menertawakanku
Engkau belahan jiwa
Tega menari indah di atas tangisanku

LOL this is my longest entry yet. Well anyways gotta go. Haven't finished my essay yet and I think tomorrow is the due date. Jeeesh, it feels like I'm back in high school.

See you peepz

XOXO, Yudith at 3:46 AM


listening to: Guge Jongmar Ini - Jang Nara

Broken hearted. When will this end? I must be crazy. I can't get you out of my mind. You're so close, yet so far away from me. Argh!!!

All I want for Christmas is YOU!! Yes, YOU!!

XOXO, Yudith at 5:34 AM


listening to: My Prayer - BoA

Why am I such a crybaby now??

My Prayer - BoA

Before I fall asleep I pray for a while
With a sincere heart of hoping that I will earn the wisdom of forgetting you

So that my aching heart from our separation will not be a burden to the next person
Give me a heart to forgive the person who gave me this wound

I am a weak and selfish person but tell me in a soft voice
(just let it go) I hear you now...

It's alright, It's ok. Its only for a while, the pain will disappear
Even if my heart crumbles, it will always be a good memory

Whenever Im lonely and having a hard time
Bless those who comfort me
Make those who tried to pry us apart realize
(just let it go) I hear you now...

I pray like this to get over you
Its not that I dont like you anymore
Im doing this because this pain might never end (I can't let it go)

This is my prayer.

XOXO, Yudith at 1:55 AM


listening to: My Prayer - BoA

I cry myself to sleep at night. In the morning I act like nothing had happened when everything did happen. I pretend to be happy even when I'm not. I still feel selfish inside whenever I end it. Yet I hurt myself when I try to make others happy. Do I have to sacrifice for others?

Don't want to get hurt no more... Lessons of life...

XOXO, Yudith at 8:20 AM


listening to: The First Noel - DBSG

That's it. It's official. My life is official. I couldn't care less if nobody reads this bloody blog. I am so fukken tired of my problems. I can cope with them all but the people I deal with making it fukken difficult for me. Why can't they just listen to me for once? Why do I have to go everyone's way? I want to do what I want. I don't want to be their doll anymore!

I want to go to Switzerland, live in a new country, study hard, get a good job, get lots of money and live happy. Is it so difficult for them to understand? Stop adding love to this. Love doesn't get me anything or anywhere. Love is nothing for me right now. I'm willing to sacrifice anything for the sake of my education, even if its love. Not many people can have both education and love but right now who cares? I want to do this my way. I want to be successful. Stop fukken bothering me.

What am I to them? Don't I have a feeling of my own? It's like no one would even realize that I'm missing if I kill myself. I'm so frustated right now I could just slash my wrist and die. Just die.

XOXO, Yudith at 11:43 AM


listening to: Mimpi Terindah - Tofu

Argh!! I don't know, man... my life is a huge mess now. I don't think I'm going back to Melbourne. Now I can really feel what Ploy was talking about before. I don't belong anywhere. I don't belong in Melbourne now. Where can I go to feel like home? *sigh* Too many homes for me, huh?

Jakarta is so boring. I feel like killing myself already. Everyday all I do is play Internet, chat with friends, watch TV, and so on. It's almost like a routine. What would I do if I am to stay for another 6 months here?!? But good thing is I'm going to get a car. LOL. At last! I hope I won't do the same thing like I did with Neil's car. Don't even want to go into that.

Two things I'm scared of in a relationship, is starting it and ending it. I don't know where to start, and I don't know when to end it. If I move to Switzerland, then I must end my current one, right? It will break my heart to do it. It will break his. Argh!! Pusyinnnkkk.

Gotta go now. Buhbye peepz.

XOXO, Yudith at 7:15 PM